I Scream, You Scream

You weren't expecting pastry cream

Sometimes you just want to feel fancy.

During the last two years of pandemic living it’s been pretty hard to feel fancy.  Nice clothes were abandoned for yoga pants (that saw perilously little yoga done) and hair, eyebrows and nails were…well…. let’s just say we all had to adopt the natural look for a while, whether it suited us or not.

It’s time to bring the fancy back, people. Time to make some crème pâtissière (pastry cream).

You can make whipped cream at home and there are countless great ice creams in the freezer section, but pastry cream usually comes from fancy bakeries and is stuffed and layered into things most people wouldn’t attempt in their own kitchens:  éclairs, doughnuts, elaborate cupcakes, and pretty tarts shingled with glossy glazed fruit.  Pastry cream is why Boston Cream anything is bomb. It’s not the sort of thing you expect to see in home baking though.

If you make it yourself you can have pastry cream all the time.  Perhaps you shouldn’t but you know you want to.

A couple of weeks ago I showed you how to make crème anglaise, the easy custard sauce that can pretty up a simple dessert or form the base of homemade ice cream.  Once you know how to make crème anglaise crème pâtissière isn’t a big stretch –we’re adding some starch to make it thicker but the technique is almost the same. In fact, it’s actually a little easier because the starch makes it REALLY obvious when you’ve cooked it enough.

Now, you’ll see some older recipes that call for flour instead of cornstarch, but I’m gonna tell you, the flour can be a problem. Because pastry cream comes together quite quickly you run the risk of the flour being undercooked and ending up with a weird starchy-tasting cream. And besides, using cornstarch means it will be gluten-free, and that could be a selling point for you.

This is a super basic version, so I almost hate to call it a recipe because you can customize it to your heart’s desire. Here’s what you’ll need:

The tools: A pot, a whisk, two heat proof bowls, a fine mesh strainer, a ladle, a spatula, and some plastic wrap.

Ingredients: 2 cups (500ml) of milk, 4 egg yolks, 1/2 cup (110 grams) of white sugar, a pinch of salt, 3 tablespoons (30 grams) of cornstarch, 2 tablespoons(30 grams) of unsalted butter, a teaspoon of vanilla.

1. Over medium heat whisk the milk, vanilla, and about a third of your sugar in a pot.

2. In one of the bowls, whisk together the egg yolks, the salt, and the rest of the sugar until it is a pale yellow. Whisk in the cornstarch.

   

3. When the milk comes to a simmer (it will look pretty foamy on top), slowly ladle the hot milk into the egg mixture, whisking as you go.

4. When most of the milk is added, pour the entire mixture back into the pot and whisk until it starts to thicken (around 165-170F). This will take about a minute.

5. Strain the mixture into the clean bowl and stir in your butter.

   

6. Press plastic wrap on the surface of your cream and chill until cold. You could place the bowl on top of some ice, but if you have a handy snowbank that works pretty well too.

   

A warning: The cornstarch causes the cream to thicken VERY quickly, so this is not a time you want to wander off, play with your phone, feed the dog, etc. If it sticks to the bottom of the pan it will scorch and burn, taste like absolute hell, and be a nightmare to clean up, so pay attention, especially at this stage.

You also want to be sure to chill it well and quickly, otherwise it will be runny. If you need to use it soon, put some parchment on a sheet tray, pour the hot pastry cream onto it, press your plastic wrap directly on the surface, and get it into a freezer (or a nearby snowbank). The increase in surface area will ensure that it chills much faster.

As I said above, you can get creative with your flavours here. Coffee-flavoured cream? Add a tablespoon or two of instant coffee to the milk when you’re heating it. You can go crazy with flavouring extracts and citrus zests, and you can even increase or decrease the sugar a little. Or strain your hot pastry cream over a handful (maybe a cup or so) of chocolate chips for crème pâtissière au chocolat. It’s really up to you.

And what can you do with this sweet, pudding-like treat? You could whip up some homemade éclairs or fill a tart shell. I find it lasts about three days in the fridge, unless I have some ripe fruit and some pancakes, in which case it’s gone the next morning.

And if that alone weren’t worth warming up your whisking arm, crème pâtissière can be considered a “mother sauce” of dessert, so once you can make this you are well on your way to a pile of other classic French pâtissierie preparations: crème chiboust, frangipane, and one of my personal favourites, crème diplomat, a pretentious-ass name for pastry cream folded together with whipped cream.

So while you don’t need a fancy-pants excuse to make a fancy dessert, it’s time to find find your fancy-pants in the back of the closet (if they still fit) and start thinking about parties and entertaining again. It’s time to start showing off all those cooking skills you’ve honed over the last two years, so why not pick up a few new classics? Your guests may not “scream” for pastry cream, but it is sure to impress.