It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Trip to the ER
Chef tips for staying out of the hospital this festive season.
This year, perhaps more than ever, we are thinking about safety as part of our holiday planning.
We may be cutting back on guests, cancelling parties, and timing our festivities around rapid-tests and booster shot appointments. But Omicron isn’t our only safety concern this holiday season.
Our kitchens are one of the most dangerous places in our homes. Kitchen are full of hot surfaces, sharp objects and other hazards that send thousands of Canadians to hospital emergency rooms every year. So while you may have fewer guests in your home this Christmas and a less chaotic pre-dinner flurry in the kitchen it’s still a good time to remember some of the basics, plus a few tips that every restaurant chef knows.
Knives:
A sharper knife is far less dangerous than a dull knife. Dull knives WILL slip and those cuts are NASTY.
A falling knife has no handle. I don’t care how much you paid for it, step out of the way and let it fall.
Knives do not belong in the sink, ever. Reaching into a soapy sink full of suds and grabbing the blade of a knife is an excellent way to find yourself needing stitches. Wash, dry and put knives away immediately.
Set your knife down on the counter BEFORE you turn around to start a new task or speak to someone. And if you need to walk around with a knife remember to carry it low by your side, parallel to your body. Let others in the kitchen know that you’re moving with a knife so they can give you a wide path. I approve of my daughter’s knife-carrying technique; her outfit in the kitchen less so.
Hot Stuff:
Like every parent knows, turn the handles of your pots inward on the stove top. Even if there are no kids around you can still snag your sleeve or belt loop, or find another creative way to pull a pot off the stove. It's not an accident when it’s predictable.
Wear appropriate clothing. While the dangers of frying bacon in the nude are well-documented, close-fitting clothes with appropriate sleeves are always a good idea. Your ugly Christmas sweater was not made with safety in mind – that shitty synthetic fabric and novelty sparkle crap will melt if splashed with hot oil or boiling liquids.
Approach every pot or pan like it is hot until you are certain it is not. It’s amazing how quickly you can forget that your heirloom cast iron skillet just came out of a 400F oven. At that temperature it’s not a pan, it’s a branding iron. Leave a pot holder or towel over the handles, or do a cheffy thing and sprinkle a little flour on the handle. A visual reminder can save you a trip to the burn unit.
Speaking of towels, never, never, never ever pick up a hot item with a wet or damp towel. The water will boil instantly leaving you with a steam burn that will haunt you well into the new year.
Again on the towel thing, keep towels away from your stove top. Duh.
Don’t deep fry your turkey. Just don’t. It’s incredibly unsafe and not worth it. Take my word for it, or just watch this.
You should have a fire extinguisher in your kitchen. Throwing water at a grease fire will make it worse. If you don’t have an extinguisher, have a box of baking soda and a large pot lid to smother any fires.
There’s a lot that could be said about food safety but here are a few of the big rules that will help you avoid killing your guests and/or burning through all your toilet paper:
I don’t care what Gramma said, you do not need to wash your poultry. Splashing around in the sink with a wet buzzard is a sure way to spread turkey juice all over your kitchen. If you need to wash away a bad smell you need a new turkey.
Make sure that your turkey is completely thawed. You can cook a turkey from frozen solid, but partially thawed is a recipe for uneven cooking. If you’re really up the creek, thaw under COLD running water in the sink with the bird in a plastic bag - don’t count in its packaging to be watertight. You will use a lot of water, but you’ll use far more if you’re running to the toilet every five minutes from salmonella poisoning.
The safe temperature for poultry is 165F. However, the temperature will continue to rise even after your remove it from the oven so pull it out around 155F and let it rest for at least 20 mins (and longer the larger it is). Your best friend is a digital probe thermometer inserted in the thickest part of the thigh and not touching a bone (bones conduct heat!) Do not go by colour of the juices or whether the leg seems loose in the joint or any other old fashioned stuff – turkeys can be quite variable depending on breed and how they were raised. If you have some fancy pants heritage breed all bets are off on cooking times and colour of the meat – temperature is key!
I have said this before – food poisoning is not a joke. If you stuff your turkey (and I do!) make sure you are working with cold stuffing. Warm ingredients like sausage or oysters or whatever will create a sweaty bacteria orgy inside your cooking turkey. These bacteria excrete toxins and even if you manage to kill the bacteria with proper cooking those toxins will still be there, planning another wild party in your gut.
Leftovers are, in my opinion, the best part of the cooking a turkey. Make sure that leftovers are cooled as quickly as possible and packed away within four hours. Food cools faster in wide shallow dishes and making sure things are at or close to room temperature before refrigerating will ensure you don’t raise the temperature inside your fridge. Got a garage that’s fridge cold? Use it to cool off big items before packing them away.
The most important thing to remember though is to use your common sense. Take it easy on the eggnog until you’re done, clean as you go along, and don’t stress yourself into a grumpy knot. Enjoy a great meal with the loved ones you have nearby and don’t forget that it’s your holiday too.
And before you go, don’t toss your turkey bones before you read my newsletter on Monday! I’m sending you a primer on how to turn them lovely bones into some excellent turkey stock, the French way!
Merry Christmas!
Like these tips? Let me know what you think at heykettleoffish@gmail.com